Mauao Man

Friday, May 30, 2025

"When Lying Becomes a Virtue: The Ethics of Deceit in Islam"

Introduction

Islamic apologists often tout the faith as a moral compass grounded in divine truth. Yet, beneath this claim lies a disquieting doctrinal concession: lying is not only tolerated in Islam—it is sanctioned under specific conditions. The most alarming of these is the allowance for a man to lie to his wife. This is not fringe or cultural. It is codified in hadith, upheld by scholars, and enshrined in Sharia. What does it mean for a religion to embed falsehood into the fabric of family life? This article will expose this unsettling doctrine and its theological, ethical, and societal implications.

Part I: The Hadith that Sanctions Lying

The source often cited is a hadith found in multiple canonical collections. Asma’ bint Yazid reported:

“Lying is not permitted except in three cases: a man’s speaking to his wife to make her happy; lying at times of war; and lying in order to reconcile between people.”
— Sunan Abu Dawood 4921, Jami` at-Tirmidhi 1939
(Authenticated as sahih by al-Albani)

This hadith is echoed in Sahih Muslim (2605) via Umm Kulthum bint ‘Uqbah, where Muhammad says that reconciliation between people through lies is not considered a lie. The implications are vast. Truth, the bedrock of any moral or spiritual system, becomes negotiable in Islam when a "greater good" is at stake.

Part II: Tafsir and the Theologians Weigh In

Al-Baghawi’s Tafsir and "Sharh as-Sunnah"

In Sharh as-Sunnah (13/119), Al-Baghawi cites Abu Sulayman al-Khattabi, who explicitly explains:

“These are issues in which a man may have to exaggerate in his words and go beyond what is strictly true... lying when seeking to reconcile means telling one that the other said something good about him—even if he didn’t.”

This isn’t white-lie territory—it’s deliberate fabrication, presented as morally praiseworthy.

Part III: Sharia Manuals on Lying in Marriage

Classical jurisprudence echoes this leniency.

Imam Nawawi’s Commentary on Sahih Muslim

In his Sharh Muslim, Nawawi states:

“What is meant is showing affection, making promises that are not binding... As for tricking one another in order to withhold their dues... that is prohibited by consensus.”

A key point here: deception is fine as long as it doesn’t deprive the other of what the Sharia defines as a “due.” But who defines that due? In classical fiqh, the man holds most of the cards.

Ibn Hajar’s “Fath al-Bari”

Ibn Hajar’s commentary on Sahih al-Bukhari reinforces this:

“The scholars are unanimously agreed that what is meant... is lying in matters that do not lead to waiving of duties or acquiring that to which he or she has no right.”

Again, lying is allowed as long as the liar isn’t technically stealing. But deceit itself? That’s fine. In other words, the emotional integrity of a marriage—its trust—is subordinated to a legalistic technicality.

Part IV: The Ethics of Deceit as Marital Glue

Shaykh Ibn Uthaymeen, a 20th-century Saudi cleric, confirms in Sharh Riyadh as-Salihin (1/1790):

“A man may say to his wife: You are dearer to me than all women—even if he is lying—for the sake of affection.”

What kind of ethical system sees a lie as a form of virtue? This is not just religious doctrine—it shapes social behavior. It subtly tells men that honesty in marriage is optional if affection is the goal. It invites performance over authenticity.

Part V: The Caliph `Umar and the Case of the Unloving Wife

The anecdote involving Caliph Umar is perhaps the most revealing. A man asks his wife whether she loves him. She says no. When Umar hears, he reprimands her—not for not loving her husband, but for telling the truth:

“Yes, you should lie to him. Not all marriages are built on love...”

This early precedent sets the tone: Islamic marital ethics do not require emotional honesty. Instead, appearances and preservation of the male ego take precedence. Love becomes a utility. Truth becomes optional.

Part VI: The Broader Context — War and Reconciliation

The same logic that justifies lying to one’s spouse is used to justify lying in war (“War is deceit” – Sahih al-Bukhari 3029) and in mediation. Truth is instrumental in Islam, not absolute. It is a tool to be wielded or withheld for a "higher" purpose—usually the preservation of Muslim unity or male dominance.

Part VII: The Psychological and Social Consequences

Erosion of Trust: When lying is institutionally allowed, trust erodes.
Male Control: Since men traditionally define the "good" they are achieving through lies, this gives them unilateral moral license.
Devaluation of Women: If a woman’s emotional intelligence is treated as irrelevant (lie to keep her docile), her dignity is negated.
Moral Relativism: Truth is no longer an intrinsic value but a negotiable tactic.

Conclusion: A Religion of Conditional Truths

Islam does not teach unconditional honesty. Its moral code permits deception where it serves specific objectives—whether to manipulate a wife’s emotions, mislead enemies in war, or keep peace through falsehood. This reveals a fundamental contradiction: a faith that claims to be grounded in truth also institutionalizes deceit. When lying becomes a religious virtue, what becomes of truth?

Citations

Sahih Muslim 2605; Sahih al-Bukhari 3029
Sunan Abu Dawood 4921; Jami` at-Tirmidhi 1939
Al-Baghawi, Sharh as-Sunnah 13/119
Imam Nawawi, Sharh Muslim
Ibn Hajar al-Asqalani, Fath al-Bari
Shaykh Ibn Uthaymeen, Sharh Riyadh as-Salihin 1/1790
Al-Mawardi, Adab al-Dunya wal-Din (on Islamic statecraft and deception)
Al-Ghazali, Ihya’ ‘Ulum al-Din, Book on Good Conduct and Lying for Reconciliation